Ghosting: Necessary or Just Plain Mean?

Ghosting. One minute you’re talking, laughing, maybe even planning something… and the next, silence. No explanation. No goodbye. Just gone.

In most cases, ghosting happens in dating, when one person ghosts another, someone they were once interested in. At some point, things didn’t go as planned and they no longer wish to engage. Instead of having an uncomfortable conversation, they choose disappearance. It’s almost as if they decide: this person no longer exists to me. They become a ghost and so they are ghosted.

But is ghosting always cruel? Or is it sometimes necessary?

Every situation is different, and every dynamic is unique. But when someone is ghosted without any explanation at all, it can feel deeply hurtful. Confusing. Even a little dehumanising. Your mind starts spinning, trying to work out what went wrong.

The truth is, there are countless reasons someone might ghost. They may still be emotionally or romantically involved with someone else. They may not have been as single as they claimed to be. They may have given out their number impulsively and later felt guilty. They may have realised they couldn’t commit and didn’t know how to say it. Or they may have simply avoided discomfort rather than choosing honesty.

There are probably a hundred more reasons we’ll never know. And while that doesn’t make ghosting feel good, the person being ghosted might find some comfort in knowing that the silence is usually about the other person’s limitations, not their own worth. Still, when there’s been no warning, no conversation, and no clear reason, ghosting can feel mean. It leaves the other person to carry all the unanswered questions alone.

For the person who has been suddenly ghosted, the hardest but most necessary step is to stop trying to understand why. You need to let go of searching for the reason, because the truth is, you will probably never get a clear answer. And the longer you try to make sense of it, the more power it holds over you.

This has nothing to do with your value, your attractiveness, or your worth as a person. If someone has chosen to remove themselves without explanation, then they have lost access to you. You have to match that energy, they lost you. Do not chase clarity that isn’t being offered. Let it be, and move forward knowing that silence is an answer and sometimes, it’s all the closure you’re going to get.

Now, let’s look at the other side because it does exist.

If two people had some kind of relationship and there has already been conflict, discussion, or repeated attempts at communication, ghosting can sometimes be the only option left. If someone has clearly explained how they feel, where they stand, and what they can or cannot offer, and the other person refuses to accept it, argues with it, or keeps pushing for a different outcome, then continuing to engage can become exhausting.

In this case, ghosting isn’t about being cruel it’s about protecting peace. At that point, the explanation already exists. If the person being ghosted scrolls back through the messages, they’ll likely find the answers right there. The silence isn’t confusion it’s a boundary.

Sometimes people ghost because they’re done explaining themselves over and over, only to be met with resistance, denial, or emotional pressure. Stepping away becomes an act of self-preservation.

Ghosting without any communication can feel harsh, and yes in many cases, it is unkind. A simple message can go a long way. But when communication has already happened, and someone continues to cross boundaries or refuse reality, ghosting can be necessary.

The difference lies in intention. There is silence used to avoid accountability, and there is silence used to protect peace. Not all ghosting is the same and understanding that can sometimes soften the sting.

Choose you. Every time.

Nanette